


Lovers

by silvertrails



Series: Avengers [19]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 17:30:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21183251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvertrails/pseuds/silvertrails
Summary: Bucky feels guilty over what he did when he was the Winter Soldier.





	Lovers

**Lovers**  
By CC  
August, 2018

This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of Marvel. No profit is made, and no harm is intended. My stories are loosely based on the comics’ and the movies’ canon.

This scene happens immediately after "More than Friends", but it can stand alone too.

This is a ficlet for Jaiden, who wanted Avengers, Bucky and Cap. I hope you like it! =)

* * *

Bucky was in Steve’s arms, feeling safe and warm. He had never before felt so vulnerable, but then he had been denied the right to feel emotions while he was the Winter Soldier. He had started to fall in love with Natasha while he trained her, but that had been cut short. He had dreamed of Steve, the one he loved without knowing it, the man he had tried to kill. 

“Bucky?”

He shook his head and moved away from Steve’s arms. “I’m sorry…”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Steve…”

“You came here and kissed me and said that you remember me.”

“I remember you. I remember when I tried to kill you.” He turned his back on Steve. “I remember when I killed a man firing through Natasha’s body. I remember I killed… I killed the Starks, Steve!”

There was a long silence, or so it seemed to Bucky. Of course, Steve would be horrified, more disappointed in him if that was possible. Bucky was about to speak and say that he would leave when strong arms embraced him from behind and Steve spoke softly in his ear.

“It was not you, Buck.”

If that only were true…

“It was I, Steve. I remember it. Tony Stark, he is your friend.”

“Tony is my friend, yes, but it was not your fault. They experimented on you when you were captured during the war. They trained you as an assassin when you were amnesic. They put you in a stasis chamber and brought you back only to wipe your mind clean and program you to kill. It was not you Bucky.”

Bucky had meant to move away, but Steve’s hold was warm and he felt absurdly safe once again. When Steve started to enumerate all that had happened to him, Bucky had felt it all again, but stayed on his feet by sheer will. When Steve turned him around and kissed him very gently, it was all Bucky could do not to fall on his knees and have a breakdown.

“It was not you, Buck,” Steve said, and held him close. “We cannot tell Tony. He will not understand… Bucky, look at me.”

Bucky looked at Steve and saw only love in his eyes, and pain. “I am broken, Steve. I have no right to intrude in your life and bring you down with me. The government, if they knew I was the Winter Soldier once…”

“I will protect you.”

“But that’s just it! I don’t need your protection! I need you to stop me before I turn back into the monster I was. You should have killed me that day.”

“No! We are friends, and this is what friends do for each other. You protected me when I was a skinny guy who got into trouble all the time. You were there for me when my mother died! Bucky, I love you, I am in love with you, and you feel the same.”

Bucky moved away. “I shouldn’t have said those words.”

“Aren’t those words true?”

Bucky sat on the sofa and buried his face in his hands. Of course they were true, but if only he lied to Steve now it would be for the best.

“Answer me, Buck!”

Bucky opened his eyes and saw Steve crouching in front of him, pain and hurt clear in his blue eyes. All Bucky needed was to say a few words, and it would be done. Steve would be free of him at last.

Bucky shook his head, and Steve stood and walked away.

“I understand,” he finally said. “I will protect you anyway, if you allow me to do that for you.”

“Thank you, but I will leave now.”

Steve turned around, looking so desperate that Bucky felt the guilt for what he’d done and for what he was doing to Steve now hit him like a ton of bricks. He stood, but before he reached the bathroom, he threw up on the kitchen floor. Steve was there at once, holding him.

“I’m sorry…”

Steve guided him to a seat and gave him a damp cloth to wash his face. Then he cleaned the mess. Bucky finally stood and reached the bathroom, where he finished cleaning himself up, and let the tears roll down his eyes. It would be so easy to stay, to tell Steve that he really loved him, but what kind of friend would he be then?

When he came out of the bathroom, Steve was waiting for him, concern darkening his eyes. “How do you feel?”

“I’m fine.”

“You are not. Stay, at least until you feel better. I will not speak of love again. I will sleep in the couch---”

“Stop! Please, stop, Steve!”

Steve said nothing and pulled him into a loose embrace, and Bucky finally realized that he was incapable of moving away from his arms.

“I love you, Steve,” he said. “I will always love you.”

“Then stay and let me love you.”

Bucky nodded and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve held him a little tighter and kissed his hair. 

“I love you, God help me. I will stay.”

_And I hope you never regret this._


End file.
